Problem Solving – Men vs. Women

Advice for men.

(Ladies, feel free to print this out or forward it to your clueless guy.)

Why is she so upset with me? I was just trying to help.

Every time I see a question like this from a mature male, I wonder how he ever got a second date much less, stayed married for years and years. Men and women are natural problem solvers but that doesn’t mean they go through the same process. Men meet a problem with an immediate desire to solve it. A list of possible solutions jumps into our minds and we start weighing the outcome of every one. Granted, for some men, avoiding or ignoring the problem is a legitimate solution but still it is part of his thinking process. When the woman he cares about is upset about a problem in her life, he naturally wants to help. So what does he do? Immediately, he launches into his problem solving mode by offering a list of possible solutions…”Here is what you need to do.” or “Have you tried this or that?” WRONG!! All of her raw emotions turn to frustration and rage focused on her clueless partner. What these men do not understand is summarized very well in this quote by John Gray:

Problem solving

I am Mr. FixIt, a compulsive problem solver, and believe me when I say I know how tempting it is to start offering solutions to anyone with problems. But when your partner comes to you, stressed and upset about a problem in her life, she is seeking support and understanding, someone to listen and empathize with her. Bite your lip if you have to, offer a hug, open ears and at most an “Uh-huh”, “That’s terrible” or “I understand”. Even, “It’ll be okay” might be too much. You can offer all the solutions you want a little later when she is ready to solve the problem. If you want her to brag about you to her friends, be the best, most understanding man alive and keep your mouth shut.

A note to my female readers:
I know most of you are strong, independent women who might want to bash me for using a stereotype emotional female image in my post. Please don’t. Not all guys are the clueless idiot character either but they are out there and need help. If you have some more advice for men in this situation, please add a comment.

One day at a time is the only way we can live.

Rick

Enlightened Women Know the Truth

Richard Geer, George Clooney, Denzel Washington and Brad Pitt

For many years, brilliant women from around the world have encouraged Hollywood to spread their propaganda that
Richard Geer, George Clooney, Denzel Washington and Brad Pitt are the sexiest men on the planet.

Why? Because the really sexy men have become so rare that these selfish women want to keep them all to themselves.  Who are these men and how do they satisfy the needs of the luckiest women on Earth?  I may be labeled a traitor to my gender but I’m going to blow the cover off these hidden hunks of sensuous talents right now…These real men among men are the “Fixers”.

The media tells women they need hours of “foreplay” before being truly satisfied.  Enlightened women know, it all really starts with “choreplay“…

Don’t have a spoon?

A Fixer can take care of that.
Smart Spoon

 

Seatbelt broken?

A fixer knows what to do.

Fixed Seatbelt


New TV too big for the old cabinet?

Carpentry is a Fixer’s specialty

TV Too Big

 

Electrical problem? No Problem

A Fixer knows what to do.
Electrical solution


Car stereo stolen?
An obvious solution for a Fixer.

boom box

 

Bookshelf cracking under the weight?
Not even a second thought from a Fixer.

structural books

Original equipment GPS too expensive?
Your gift from a Fixer.
Homemade GPS system

 


No ice chest for the party with your girlfriends?

Get the beer – your Fixer has got it covered.  

special ice chest

 

Can’t read the ATM screen honey buns?
Your Fixer to the rescue.

Sun Blocker ATM

 


Car imported from the wrong country?

A Fixer knows what to do.
Switch driving side

 


Satellite always goes out in the rain?

A Fixer’s natural solution
rain off disk

 

Electric stove broken and you need your coffee?

Your wish fulfilled by your Fixer.
coffee needs heating

 

Wiper Motor Burned Out?

Your Fixer wants you to be safe.
broken windshield wiper

 

Gotta feed the baby AND help you do the laundry?

A Fixer can do that!
baby must be fed

 


Cables falling behind the desk?

A Fixer can be practical and ingenious!

cable clips

Rick actually likes this idea.

 

Out of diapers in the middle of the night?

Come back to bed, your Fixer solves another problem!

No Diapers


Hope this tongue-in-cheek report put a smile on your face.


Find more ways to solve the real everyday problems of people over forty at www.AddedYears.com

 


A Real Fixer

Show Your Love

Dear Rick, How do I show “the love of my life”, my husband, how much he means to me?

Dear “Texas Gal”,
Hopefully the “love of your life” is not an idiot and can tell how important he is to you by all the things, big and small that you already do for him. But of course, even the best men are pigs or rather hogs and will gladly slop up any sweetness you throw their way.  So, if you have the time and energy to spare, here are some suggestions:

  • If a man loves his work, he loves that his sweetheart shows an interest in it.  If he hates his work, don’t even mention it.
  • Unless it is bad for his health, I’m sure your special food treats are appreciated.
  • Has he actually done anything to deserve being the “love of your life”?  If so, have you told him?
  • Do you brush against him when you pass by?  Do you sit close and snuggle at the movies or watching tv?
  • There are hundreds of cute little romantic things you can do if he likes that sort of thing.
  • Can you make him laugh?
  • And then there are those special bedroom tricks that get any man’s attention….

Thankfully, men and women can be very different.  But in midlife, most of us share similar desires,

  • to be appreciated
  • to be productive
  • to feel free to be ourselves
  • to feel fulfilled

I hear from many people who are ready to unburden themselves from responsibilities they have carried for years, whether it’s a deadbeat relative or just a household chore. Helping them to eliminate an unwanted burden is a fantastic display of love and
understanding.

Happiness is in the everyday experience and not a final destination.  When someone like you expresses their love, it has to brighten the day.  Your husband is a very, very lucky man.

Rick

Here are two sources for more ideas and  there are plenty more in our member’s site.

101 Romantic Ideas
500 Lovemaking Tips & Secrets

“Money, Happiness and Good Sex” Which doesn’t belong?

Is this a trick question?

Many wealthy people have lost a lot of their wealth in the last ten years (and I’m not talking about Tiger Woods).  Most poor people have stayed poor. Working Baby Boomers have taken a few steps toward the poorhouse and small business owners, the economic backbone of America have taken hit after hit with many not surviving.  Focusing this is depressing and frankly many will never get over it.  Unfortunately, they have let the loss of “money” destroy their happiness and ruin their sex life.

By this time in your life, you have probably noticed that your sex life is a lot better when you feel good about yourself.  Feeling strong and healthy and good about your body certainly helps.  What about feeling successful, confident and financially comfortable? You bet!!

Can a person be poor, happy and have a good sex life?  YES.

Can a person be rich, unhappy and have a miserable sex life? Of course.

With just those two statement, it would appear that money has nothing to do with being happy and having a good sex life.  Mae West said, “I’ve been rich and I’ve been poor.  Rich is better.”  Donald Trump went from “poor” to multi-millionaire to almost bankruptcy a few years ago.  I’ve heard that he so disliked the feeling of not having the multi-millionaire lifestyle that he didn’t take the time to be depressed or even recall all his losses to anyone who would listen.  He just went back to work, building up an even bigger financial empire.  I have the feeling that his sex life didn’t suffer a bit during this time.

Those who say, “Money can’t buy happiness”, don’t know where to shop.  This brings me to the point of this post.  Money itself doesn’t belong in the same group as Happiness and Good Sex.

The benefits derived from having money are what we all are seeking.

When you can buy good health care, good food, freedom to pursue your passion and help others in need, then your happiness and good sex life just come so much easier.  But you should not allow losing your “money” to take away the happiness and good sex that you already have.  Separate these in your mind and in your daily affirmations.  “I may not have the money I once did, but that does not affect my happiness and good sex life.  I will work to fill my coffers once again while I continue to enjoy my happy life.”  Focus on the good life and whatever you want in your future and the “Law of Attraction” has to make it happen.  Focus on loss & misery and you will only create more of the same.

Rick

A Woman Needs To Know…

Hi Rick,

Got a question for you. I’m in my 50’s and need to know.
As we know when men get a certain age they tend to loose their erection may it be by age, or a medical condition, or lack of desire but yet I’ve heard men say they are still sexually aroused. How can that be if they can’t have an erection??
I hope I’m not embarrassing anyone by asking this question but I’m curious just how a man feels sexually when an erection is not possible. Can you answer this question for me?

Brenda

Solutions to YOUR Problems

My surveys say the number one Baby Boomer problem is “how to make and keep more money“.? No matter how I seem to phrase the question, the number two problem is also money related; “Where do I find affordable health care?“? Now that I have shown you how to create passive streams of income with an Internet marketing business (A Smart Person’s Guide to A Great Retirement) , are you ready to solve some more problems?? First of all, isn’t it great the number of problems that can actually be solved by having money?

Baby Boomers are now between 46 and 64 years old.? After the Wealth issues,? it didn’t surprise me that Health issues jumped up.? I will continue to post Natural and Alternative solutions to our most common health concerns.? I am not a doctor and cannot give medical advice.? I can only provide what may have worked for other people and suggest that you investigate further and bring up the topic with your physician.

Healthy eating habits and moderate exercise continues to fuel the desire for a Great Sex Life but I’m amazed at how little some people have learned since their teenage years.? It is certainly not too late to learn how to WOW your partner with multiple orgasms and unbelievable good feelings.? And if you don’t have a partner, learn to use online dating sites in a safe and effective manner.? These are not insurmountable problems!? Some solutions are easier than others but so far, If you are willing to do the work, I’ve got you covered.

So I’m now open to finding solutions for very specific problems.? What will it take to make the coming years the very best of your life?

  • Self Improvement – Finding happiness, success, fulfillment
  • Curious about sex toys, escorts, sensual massage, tantric sex but too shy to ask?
  • Need some general financial tips that your Financial Adviser may never tell you?? Like? why you don’t want to just sell your accumulated stock outright.
  • Have trouble swallowing?? You are not alone.
  • Will you someday be a huge burden to your children?? Why not plan to be a hero.
  • Need help with that damn computer, cell phone, DVD player or HD TV?
  • Do you really understand what will happen if you have LASIK or Lens Replacement eye surgery?
  • If you had to go into the hospital, do you have someone close to act as your advocate?
  • Do you have a reason to be excited about getting out of bed in the morning?
  • And the fun problems…A great hiking vacation, How to best help the grandkids, How to be a mentor, Where to find a recipe, Be a Secret Santa

If you are a member of? “addedyears.com“, you already have access to some of these solutions.? If you have a specific question, ask it here (in the Comments section below) and I’ll try to point you in the right direction.? Be active and curious and stay out of the “rut”.????

How do I break long term relationship?

Dear Rick,

First of all, I’m a good guy. I’m almost 50 and was married and divorced when I was very young. Somewhere along the line I started dating a crazy woman and have been on and off with her for over 12 years!? Every time I break up with her, she finds a way to see me again and I just fall under her spell. Yes, we have great passionate sex and she really knows how to push all my buttons. Sometimes I think I’m lazy because the sex is so good and so easy. But she is not good for me. She drains my assets and doesn’t like me to see my family or friends. We really don’t have much in common but no woman has ever come close to turning me on the way she does.? What can I do to break this spell she has on me?

Mike G. -Chicago

Relax BEFORE Sex?

Sexually active people in their twenties or thirties probably don’t need to relax before having sex.? But if you are single and over forty, there may be many reasons to be uptight and/or nervous before going to bed with your next date.? A few butterflies in the stomach may enhance a sexual encounter, but knots in your stomach do not bode well for a great experience.? Worried about:

  • how your body looks?
  • the layoffs at work?
  • how well you will “perform”?
  • that cigarette smell in your hair?
  • the overall effect of the stressful life you have been living?

 

 

You need to relax BEFORE having sex.? A fast and effective way to do this is by using an anchor.? Anchoring is way to trigger mental and physical memories of? a time when you were really calm and confident.

There are many different types of anchoring techniques.? In this situation, a? “resource anchor” is just what we need.? It takes just a little practice to achieve great results.? Start with this exercise:

  • Think of a time when you were confident and relaxed.? As you think of that time, remember what your surroundings were.? Remember the color of the walls or of the sky,? see the textures and contours of that place where you were confident and relaxed.? Take a few deep breathes and fall into that same state of relaxation.? When you are there, press your thumb and forefinger together on your left hand.? As you press your thumb and forefinger together say to your self “relaxed and confident”
  • As you continue to relax,? become aware of the sounds that were going on around you as you relaxed.? Hear the sounds of the city or of nature, as you remember that time.? And when you are ready ….press the same thumb and forefinger together and repeat to yourself? “relaxed and confident”.
  • Now as you relax again, become aware of the sensations that you felt at that time. The seat beneath you and how your body felt so relaxed.? And as you remember those physical sensations of being relaxed press your thumb and forefinger together again while saying to yourself, “relaxed and confident “.

Always end by pressing your same thumb and forefinger together.? Feel the relaxation flooding back over you.? The best thing about this exercise is that the more you do it the easier it gets.? Try it before going to bed or taking a hot bath, whenever you know you are going to be quickly relaxed.

When setting the anchor, remember these four things:

  1. That you feel the state that you want to anchor, strongly.? That is to say if you can’t feel it clearly, the anchor won’t be as strong.
  2. Precisely time when you set the anchor.? You can do this by being sure that you really are feeling, whatever it is you want to anchor, at the time you set the anchor.
  3. Use a unique gesture to set your anchor.? That is why you set your anchor on the non-dominant hand so there are no contradictory things that you might use the hand for.
  4. Don’t complicate the anchor.? Make the gesture you use for setting your anchor easy to do again.

Now, back to having great sex…? Seize the opportunity when it presents itself.? Eliminate all self-doubt by moving into your confident and relaxed state.? Whenever you want to experience the state that you have anchored (relaxed & confident), simply press that thumb and forefinger together and you’ll go there.

A pretty slick trick, right?? Baby Boomers can use this same technique to relax before giving a big presentation or facing any situation where “relaxed & confident” is the desired state of body and mind.Join Us Now

Traveling with retired grandparents

The worst sunburn I ever got was when my grandparents took me to a Florida beach when I was 9 years old. All I remember now is lying spread eagled on the motel room bed, not wanting anything (including the sheet) to touch my bright red skin.

I can’t say that traveling with my grandparents was a great time. Even in retirement, my grandfather was not anxious to have “fun”.? Driving from Dayton, Ohio to Florida, we would pass the factory outlets for towels and quilts in Tennessee , the wooden bowls in Georgia and the alligator farms in Florida. My grandmother kept asking to stop at every one; my grandfather just kept on driving. Some people just never learn how to have fun.

Every grandparent I know, says they love their grandchildren. But let’s face it, some people are just not “kid friendly”. These are usually the people with white carpet in their den and expensive figurines on their coffee table. Compare these people with the ones laughing and singing while they wipe the peanut butter and jelly off the leather seats of their new car.

You have forty or more years of life experiences. You are now beginning your second adult life. You have made retirement plans or you have followed my “Smart Person’s Guide to a Great Retirement” and intend to make the next thirty years the very best of your life. But if you are never rolling on the floor, laughing and singing with your grandkids, you are cheating yourself as well as your grandkids. Stop and think about the type of memories they will have of you when you are gone. Sure, you can shower them with presents and spoil them all you like, but tell them stories, tell them about your favorite places, where you grew up and how you had to walk five miles to school, uphill both ways in freezing blizzards. 🙂 Teach them something special that you know how to do. Magic tricks, knitting, woodworking, how to tie a tie or catch a fish, how to make money on the Internet…these are the things they will remember about you. Let their parents teach them how write a thank you card or have good table manners. Your job is to teach them how to love life by being a passionate, caring & grateful, fun loving grandparent.

If you are the type of person who has read this far, then you probably don’t need this last piece of advice. Never say anything bad about your grandkid’s parents in front of them. If you were a good example for your kids, then your grandkids will probably turn out just fine.

Rick

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